I booked my flight yesterday. One-way to Toronto at 5:30 AM on Saturday October 1. It's all happening.
I have 11 days of work left, and am now down to 35 days left in Manitoba. Holy smokes, folks. I'm so stoked! All sorts of things are beginning to appear in varying degrees of changing perspectives. What I've been dealing with at work, for example: we have these (meaningless waste-of-time) stand-up meetings every morning to discuss what we've all got going in terms of workload. Where these meetings used to frustrate the hell out of my colleague and I for ten minutes every morning - and involved all manner of quick eye-rolling glance-exchanges - we had our stand-up this morning and I felt entirely unaffected by the end of it. Indifferent, I suppose, would be more accurate. It's not that I've decided to stop doing any actual work, or slack off until the end of my days here or anything. I have voluntarily undertaken the task of writing a standard operating procedures document for future use of all admins who may come to be employed in this office, as well as for my colleague who is still relatively new here. This was entirely my idea, one last thing I can contribute to this place, as the transfer of most administrative business knowledge lies with me, and if I didn't take the time to do this they might end up dealing with some significant gaps in my absence. As I believe I have mentioned, I'd like to leave here with a smidgeon of integrity still intact. But the series of events that have occurred in my life over the past month have helped me step back and take in the bigger picture; what is and is not of consequence to me in the grand scheme. Stand-up meetings about ensuring that the financial reports in this office are being reviewed just don't fit into that grand scheme anymore. Insert sigh of contentment/relief here. And I suppose that this is really more about the fact that, now that I've had some time to digest my situation, the negative opinions of me that certain people hold and have expressed in varying degrees of passive aggression, seem to matter less every day. I may still be the pink elephant in the room, but I just don't care anymore. Great feeling.
Onwards and upwards. In order to maintain this momentum I've developed I need to make a list of things that I have to accomplish before I go. I did this just before I left for Congo and it helped. If it ain't broke...
1. Choose the clothes I'm taking with me. This will be a major undertaking. I've decided that I am only bringing one suitcase full of clothing. I also happen to own so many garments that I could clothe all of the inhabitants of... oh, let's say Portage la Prairie. Everything I don't bring is being donated to the Main Street Project. Should be a van-full at least.
2. Go through the rest of my belongings and decide what else I'm bringing with me.
3. Donate, store, or sell the rest.
4. Decide what I'm going to try to sell, what I'm going to sell it for (nothing I own is really worth more than about $50), and where I'm going to advertise it (likely Kijiji).
5. FIND A NEW HOME FOR MY DARLING MINOU. If anyone knows a place that would be good for a cat matching this description: http://winnipeg.kijiji.ca/c-pets-to-give-or-donate-Gorgeous-5-year-old-female-cat-looking-for-indoor-outdoor-home-W0QQAdIdZ306268146 please let me know.
6. Find a place to store what I can't bring but want to keep. There won't be much in this category, but I'd like to keep the kitchen ware I don't bring, and my antique dresser, and a few boxes of books... I have family out of town who have offered me some storage space, but no truck to haul it out with...
7. Get my EI application in as soon as humanly possible after my last day of work.
8. Give Canada Post my forwarding address.
These all seem like much more important issues to deal with. It's all I've got for now, but I'm sure the list will lengthen.
It's all happening.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Shifting into higher gear...
Mama Bear has come to her senses and realized what exactly she committed to in offering to drive to and from Toronto in five days. It looks like I might explore throwing my stuff on a Greyhound and hopping a flight there instead. Which would mean that I get to leave about a week earlier. Zoom zoom.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
In Motion
Things have now been set in motion which cannot be undone. Progress is being made on important fronts... well, some of them. Progress has yet to be made on others. But the relative nature of time never ceases to amaze me. I feel like I've been in stasis over the past year, but just over the past few weeks I've made more decisions and even accomplished more than I did during all of last year.
The past few weeks has been full of trials and tribs. Work has been nothing if not a challenge. Since I was informed that I am effectively being fired, I've still had to come in to this foresaken place every day and smile at the people who are screwing me over. I've mentioned to a few people that it's felt as though there's a big pink elephant in the room... and it's me. I've wasted a lot of energy being frustrated and angry. The injustice of it all! I think I'm done with the wallowing in self-pity, due in part to the fact that the logistical planning of my move has really begun and I'm making relatively good progress. I have somewhere constructive to channel my energy. But I've also given my head a shake and realized the stupidity in giving this workplace, and the people running it, any more of my energy. What a pointless exercise in self-indulgent futility. I'm better off making lemonade.
I've now decided that I am Toronto-bound. I leave October 6. I'm more than pleased to announce that I have paid the first and last months' rent (thereby securing my residence) on a room in a house with my dearest friend and her boyfriend, just a 15 minute subway ride from downtown Toronto. The plan to head to Ottawa changed when my friend informed me that she and her partner had decided to move to T.O. - the only person I knew in Ottawa is leaving Ottawa. So one thing led to another and we're movin' in. Stoked.
So now that I've got a place to live, which was my biggest concern, I'll need to begin to focus my energy on finding a job. But not just any job. I mean, don't get me wrong - I'll do any job if I need to, but I'm going to start looking for a job that I can find meaning in. I was browsing on Monster.ca and Workopolis last week, throwing resumes out at all of these admin assistant/receptionist-type jobs that I could qualify for and easily do in my sleep... and then the absurdity of moving away to do the same miserable thing I do here dawned on me. Lmao. I DON'T WANT TO WORK IN AN OFFICE AND BE SOMEBODY'S BITCH ANYMORE. Duh. And I don't have to. I qualify for unemployment. The social justice scene and the opportunities therein abound in Toronto. Amnesty, Red Cross, War Child here I come. Not to mention the fantastic community development projects in so many different areas of development that there are going on (not, of course, to diminish some of the amazing stuff going on in Winnipeg). The possibilities are endless. Stoked.
42 days. 42. In 42 days I'll be on the road with my mom and my life packed into the back of her little Honda Fit. J'arrive, Toronto.
The past few weeks has been full of trials and tribs. Work has been nothing if not a challenge. Since I was informed that I am effectively being fired, I've still had to come in to this foresaken place every day and smile at the people who are screwing me over. I've mentioned to a few people that it's felt as though there's a big pink elephant in the room... and it's me. I've wasted a lot of energy being frustrated and angry. The injustice of it all! I think I'm done with the wallowing in self-pity, due in part to the fact that the logistical planning of my move has really begun and I'm making relatively good progress. I have somewhere constructive to channel my energy. But I've also given my head a shake and realized the stupidity in giving this workplace, and the people running it, any more of my energy. What a pointless exercise in self-indulgent futility. I'm better off making lemonade.
I've now decided that I am Toronto-bound. I leave October 6. I'm more than pleased to announce that I have paid the first and last months' rent (thereby securing my residence) on a room in a house with my dearest friend and her boyfriend, just a 15 minute subway ride from downtown Toronto. The plan to head to Ottawa changed when my friend informed me that she and her partner had decided to move to T.O. - the only person I knew in Ottawa is leaving Ottawa. So one thing led to another and we're movin' in. Stoked.
So now that I've got a place to live, which was my biggest concern, I'll need to begin to focus my energy on finding a job. But not just any job. I mean, don't get me wrong - I'll do any job if I need to, but I'm going to start looking for a job that I can find meaning in. I was browsing on Monster.ca and Workopolis last week, throwing resumes out at all of these admin assistant/receptionist-type jobs that I could qualify for and easily do in my sleep... and then the absurdity of moving away to do the same miserable thing I do here dawned on me. Lmao. I DON'T WANT TO WORK IN AN OFFICE AND BE SOMEBODY'S BITCH ANYMORE. Duh. And I don't have to. I qualify for unemployment. The social justice scene and the opportunities therein abound in Toronto. Amnesty, Red Cross, War Child here I come. Not to mention the fantastic community development projects in so many different areas of development that there are going on (not, of course, to diminish some of the amazing stuff going on in Winnipeg). The possibilities are endless. Stoked.
42 days. 42. In 42 days I'll be on the road with my mom and my life packed into the back of her little Honda Fit. J'arrive, Toronto.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Something's gotta give.
I feel I am standing on the threshold of revelation. Revelation of what, exactly, remains to be seen, but revelation is nonetheless imminent. Less than two weeks before my 27th birthday, I have been demoted from my current position and will, as of September 13, 2001, have been laid off due to a non-extension of my contract. This decision by my employer (which, albeit reluctantly, I shall not name herein) can only be considered a grossly unfair, discriminatory, and deliberately malicious act by a superior to terminate my employment. Doubly so, in fact, because my termination has been manipulated in a way that gives me no right to recourse through my union - it's been done legitimately. And triply so because I have busted my ass for this organization for four years.
This has come as a shock to me. Just days before I received this news, I was under the impression that I was to become a permanent employee - after nearly seven years of contract work - before the end of the summer. Only a few weeks prior to that, I had made the decision ot start my masters degree in the fall of 2012. I had met with my academic advisor to discuss my options and had started seriously investigating different MA programs in the fields of peace, conflict, and human security in both Canada and Europe. Just last week I submitted my application to the U of W, my alma mater, to return part time and take enough courses to boot my GPA to a level that might be deemed moderately acceptable to a graduate-level admissions committee.
Graduate work is officially on hold - losing my job is throwing too big a wrench into that plan for the time being. It's time to live my life (lmao CHANTEL) - or at least get started on the rest of it. Since returning from three months of practicum work in the DR Congo during the summer of 2009, I've slowly but steadily slipped into a rut. I found my heart in Congo and have longed to return since before I even left Kinshasa. I miss it terribly and can honestly say that I think about my Congolese family every single day. See http://meganalardcongo.blogspot.com for details. The reverse culture shock that I experienced upon my return transformed into a near loathing of North America. I began to undergo a profound struggle - as a Canadian; as a white person; as a person who has inherited a history of Western imperialism. Privilege and guilt. My first 18 months back can essentially be defined by privilege and guilt; struggling with guilt about my inherent privilege in this world. The intensity of these feelings has diminished some for me, partly taken over by a sense of complacency. I have been lulled back into consumer culture. Most of the things that stress me out are, upon reflection, relatively meaningless. This in turn stresses me out. You can see where this is going... but this is also due to the fact that I haven't actually done anything since I graduated in June 2010. Sure have talked a lot of shit about the things that I was going to do though. Volunteering with community development organizations, with international social justice organizations, with anyone for goodness' sake - I didn't even volunteer for Run for Rights this year. I have not exactly done much to create meaning in my life, but instead have been living for my dream to return to DRC - a dream that is, well, not much more than a dream at this point. I've struggled to no avail to find employment in the country over the past year or so, and have finally realized that what I'm doing is just not working. It's as though all I am doing is banging my head against a brick wall. How many times do I have to bang my head against this wall before I figure out that it's not going to stop hurting until I stop banging? Quite a few, it would seem. But hey, if you tell me something five or six times I catch on right away.
When I told my mom about what had happened with work, she got this spark in her eye, reached over and took my hands in hers, and told me that she had the answer for me. The perfect solution. We looked at each other for a moment, and I said, "Sell everything I own..." to which she responded, "...and move to Ottawa! I'll drive you!"
Best mother EVER.
I've wanted to live in Ottawa seriously for the past year, after only having spent five days there visiting my dearest and closest friend last summer. I've had shorter love affairs, but not nearly this intense. I've been applying for federal jobs there, but at this point I'm DONE with public service. Sorry public, I'm sick of serving you. In this capacity, anyhow. I don't care what I do there. I'll sell souvenirs from a kiosk on the side of the road for goodness' sake. I have no partner, no children, don't own property or a vehicle, and have nothing to lose. There is no reason that I should need to stay in Winnipeg, so I'm going. Gone.
Has anyone ever wondered where Dodge really is? Dodge is Winnipeg, and I'm getting the hell out.
This has come as a shock to me. Just days before I received this news, I was under the impression that I was to become a permanent employee - after nearly seven years of contract work - before the end of the summer. Only a few weeks prior to that, I had made the decision ot start my masters degree in the fall of 2012. I had met with my academic advisor to discuss my options and had started seriously investigating different MA programs in the fields of peace, conflict, and human security in both Canada and Europe. Just last week I submitted my application to the U of W, my alma mater, to return part time and take enough courses to boot my GPA to a level that might be deemed moderately acceptable to a graduate-level admissions committee.
Graduate work is officially on hold - losing my job is throwing too big a wrench into that plan for the time being. It's time to live my life (lmao CHANTEL) - or at least get started on the rest of it. Since returning from three months of practicum work in the DR Congo during the summer of 2009, I've slowly but steadily slipped into a rut. I found my heart in Congo and have longed to return since before I even left Kinshasa. I miss it terribly and can honestly say that I think about my Congolese family every single day. See http://meganalardcongo.blogspot.com for details. The reverse culture shock that I experienced upon my return transformed into a near loathing of North America. I began to undergo a profound struggle - as a Canadian; as a white person; as a person who has inherited a history of Western imperialism. Privilege and guilt. My first 18 months back can essentially be defined by privilege and guilt; struggling with guilt about my inherent privilege in this world. The intensity of these feelings has diminished some for me, partly taken over by a sense of complacency. I have been lulled back into consumer culture. Most of the things that stress me out are, upon reflection, relatively meaningless. This in turn stresses me out. You can see where this is going... but this is also due to the fact that I haven't actually done anything since I graduated in June 2010. Sure have talked a lot of shit about the things that I was going to do though. Volunteering with community development organizations, with international social justice organizations, with anyone for goodness' sake - I didn't even volunteer for Run for Rights this year. I have not exactly done much to create meaning in my life, but instead have been living for my dream to return to DRC - a dream that is, well, not much more than a dream at this point. I've struggled to no avail to find employment in the country over the past year or so, and have finally realized that what I'm doing is just not working. It's as though all I am doing is banging my head against a brick wall. How many times do I have to bang my head against this wall before I figure out that it's not going to stop hurting until I stop banging? Quite a few, it would seem. But hey, if you tell me something five or six times I catch on right away.
When I told my mom about what had happened with work, she got this spark in her eye, reached over and took my hands in hers, and told me that she had the answer for me. The perfect solution. We looked at each other for a moment, and I said, "Sell everything I own..." to which she responded, "...and move to Ottawa! I'll drive you!"
Best mother EVER.
I've wanted to live in Ottawa seriously for the past year, after only having spent five days there visiting my dearest and closest friend last summer. I've had shorter love affairs, but not nearly this intense. I've been applying for federal jobs there, but at this point I'm DONE with public service. Sorry public, I'm sick of serving you. In this capacity, anyhow. I don't care what I do there. I'll sell souvenirs from a kiosk on the side of the road for goodness' sake. I have no partner, no children, don't own property or a vehicle, and have nothing to lose. There is no reason that I should need to stay in Winnipeg, so I'm going. Gone.
Has anyone ever wondered where Dodge really is? Dodge is Winnipeg, and I'm getting the hell out.
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